My CAT Scan in August blew me out of the water for quite awhile. It appears that I no longer have cancer in my lungs, assuming that I ever did. I always thought it was basalt dust, but what do I know. So, no cancer there. No cancer in my lymph system. And, hold on to your hats, the primary tumor on my left kidney has reduced in size by .4 mm. Not a great amount, but significant. Enough for me to get fired by my oncologist. She has sent me back to my primary care physician, she doesn’t want to see me again. Ditto.
So, God bless Cat Stevens/Yusuf, and his music and his inspirational songs. It worked!
As I reflect on these changes, and what it means to me and to my future, I realize that it is incorrect to lay it all at his feet, however sweet they may be. I also credit my husband’s tender care, our dog Tara’s constant presence, living at Rose Villa with all the help that they provide. Also the medical marijuana that I have used every night since the very beginning, early Spring of 2015. And my diet shifts. Sleep. My acupuncturist, my friend the Shaman, the care I received from my Tibetan doctor. You may recall that she said “All you need is Joy!” And I believed her. Doing Soul Collage Cards when the way ahead was murky and scary. Receiving zillions of prayers. What a journey. To now.
About a month before the CAT scan, I experienced a vision of sorts. I was sitting in my chair, looking out our window across the Willamette River to the fir trees on the other side. Gradually, I noticed a type of portal in front of me, in my mind’s eye, opening up to show a vista. A little like looking at distant fields and hills through binoculars. The content of the vista was unclear, vague, shimmering. I thought to myself, “I wonder if I have a future. Alive.” It appears that I do. These portals tend to be trustworthy, but I didn’t want to say anything, for fear I was wrong and would be embarrassed, made fun of. Old tapes. In any case, I wasn’t terribly surprised to hear the good news.
My oncologist appeared somewhat frustrated. “We didn’t do anything to create this reduction in the tumor.” “No”, I said to her, “but I have been doing quite a bit.” She never asked me what, and didn’t really want to know. No curiosity. No place on the forms for joy, I suppose. Maybe some day there will be. Western medicine is remarkably devoid of soul work, overall. As if the mind and body and soul are unrelated. Love and Joy, the best healers for all time.
For those of you who may suffer from cancer, please understand. You aren’t doing anything wrong, nor can you compare your own journey to mine. Every single cancer, every single person, is unique. Kidney cancer is especially slow growing. Sometimes surgery, radiation and chemo are the answer. Sometimes the cancer is too fast.
Cat has a great song, “Never”. “There will never be another you!” he sings. But “there will be another Spring. There will be another Story. ” I listen to this song over and over again, feeling so blessed to think that I may see Spring again, that there will indeed be another story.
I hope to share that story here with you. Wow!